Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Some people just shouldn't be architects.

I don’t care which of my hipster friends complains, I like USC’s fine arts and architecture building. Perhaps this is because I spend most of my time on the other side of campus, working/taking classes at the World’s Biggest Cheese Cake Factory (I love it to death George, but come on man).

So yes, I’m fond of Watt Hall. I love its gritty, concrete, almost brutalist design, and the sleek white minimalism of its upstairs and gallery space. And as you can tell by my tumblr theme (and website), that’s my damn cup of tea.

What I don’t love, is whoever’s bright idea it was to put the male and female bathrooms on opposite ends of the U-shaped building. I hate it when buildings do that. You get your hopes up that you finally reached the promised land and then it’s like, “Denied. Wrong moving parts, bro.”

You trudged all the way over there for nothing.

I mean seriously. We finally get a 5 minute break from proposals, and I have to piss like a race horse. I desperately run to where I vaguely remember there being a sink (and by the laws of plumbing, a toilet perhaps). It says, “women.” I wheel about. Where’s the men’s???

Down the length of the entire building and two left turns away. And because it’s one-stall, of course, it’s occupied.

So then I get the bright idea to go upstairs. Perhaps the second floor has a toilet right above this one. That makes sense, right?

I race up the steps and barge through the door. Right into a big architecture presentation. I seriously knocked over a couple girls leaning against the stairwell door and one almost dropped her laptop. Oops.

It must’ve been some guest speaker or something because there were people everywhere (in the hallways, sitting on each other, etc.) but I didn’t care; I was on an epic mission and––there it was! The men’s room! I climbed over the pile of architects and reached for that grimy doorknob and…

It unlocked! Success!

As I conducted my business in the stall, I silently cursed whoever designed this building and their failure to study foot traffic efficiency. How can you successfully conquer post-industrial form and space if you can’t even conquer the basic needs of the human bladder? Then I realized how boring my life must be for this to bug me so much. Which is something to be thankful for: It could be so much worse. Like, what if it had no restrooms?

…I hate this building now.